Our Dark Mother (“To be at His disposal”)

“Let Him do with me whatever He wants
as He wants for as long as He wants.
If darkness is light to some soul—even
if it be nothing to nobody—I am
perfectly happy—to be God’s
flower of the field.”

You mean it, Mother?
Suffering, surrendered like a
petal dropped and wasted. No matter
how thinly you felt His Absence
or how callousedly your heart beat?

Did your watery eyes even pinken,
with signs of hope drooling away?
Or sometimes did you say, “I have to
refuse what He desires to take,”
perhaps at night or in your mourning?

Is it true you longed to love Him,
Dark Mother, His Hiddeness—His
dark Passion too? Your Poverty
on the Cross with His, a Victim
for us and, you, a victim for Him.

“I can’t express in words—the gratitude
I owe you for your kindness to me.—For
the first time in this 11 years—I have
come to love the darkness.—For I believe
now that it is a part, a very, very small
part of Jesus’ darkness & pain on earth…
More than ever I surrender myself to Him—
Yes—more than ever I will be at His disposal.”